In case you stay

Tuesday at 2:55 PM four words impacted me greatly.  I received an email titled, "In case you stay"

There are times in life where things just don't make sense.  We sit speechless trying to use our finite brains to bring meaning to situations that confuse us.  Some people chalk it up to life while others realize that man has some role in it.  Tuesday, to me, was a point where I knew man had a role in a horrible event. 

Although it has only been two days, Tuesday seems so far off.  It was that day that layoffs began at Mid-Continent University.  We knew the possibility was there and that most likely it would happen.  That didn't mean we were prepared for it.  But, are we ever?

One by one people were asked to travel over to the administration building to speak with HR.  Thoughts raced through my mind.  When will it be me?  Who will be next?  I stared out the window waiting my turn.  Then when the door closed and the next person traveled out I would breathe for a moment.  Soon I would see my friends slowly walk to their car with items from their office.  This happened almost all day.

Each time someone walked to their car I thought of their situation.  There were single parents, couples, one income families and people that were committed to the ministry of the Gospel.  I did not witness fighting or yelling but just sorrow.  Inside though I was yelling.  I was yelling at others that took it upon themselves to play Russian roulette with people's income and lively hood.

Finally, there I sat.  My office mate, boss and close friends had left the building.  I was left.  You would think I would be glad I was spared but instead I felt guilty.  I didn't feel like I had won something because I had lost so much.  I lost co-laborers for the Gospel of Christ.

The next day we had a chapel service and all I could do was cry.  I tried to sing but the words wouldn't come out.  The only thing that came out was murmurs and tears.  It was then that I remembered Romans 8:26 where it states:

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."

I went to a trusted friend and just prayed.  Through the tears I promised God to do my best to bring them back.  If there was anything I can do...I will do it.  That is all I could say and I would let God do the rest.  I slowly went back to my seat and listened as what I will term as "Our Nehemiah" spoke.  Dr. Winters through his humble words explained where we are and where we need to be.  Although it was scary words I seemed calm.  This calmness came from knowing that our leader will do all he can to work through this.

Today was busy but also strange.  I am using my limited knowledge to do the work of many.  I talk to students but do not have the ability within me to tell them that their adviser is gone.  I just keep thinking they will come back.  I am just doing this for awhile.  In reality I don't know but God does.

So now what?  Well honestly I don't know.  All I know is God has placed some amazing servants in leadership at Mid-Continent University.  They are currently living out:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." - Hebrews 12:1

I pray now that their efforts for the cause of Christ are fruitful.